#AugustWritingChallenge - Future - Day 31

So, this is the end of my epic journey; the #AugustWritingChallenge is almost over.

In the past several months, I have spent a lot of time thinking  about what the future will hold. I've decided that I can't figure it all out right now. I'm starting to get a much clearer picture of my desired career path, still not completely clear yet though. I got confused and thought that the life I am currently living was going to be what I have to look forward to for the rest of my life. #depressing
Then I realized that isn't true. Change is on the horizon, oh look at me liking change; y'all know that's rare.

In an attempt to focus more on what I love I've decided to commit more to this blog and making it great. So things may start to change in the following months. I want to streamline my focus to my love of literature. I am a self proclaimed bibliophile. In the future, my posts will focus more on what I'm reading more so than anything else; I'll share the ones I love and maybe some of those I don't. It will be similar to my Emma Watson and Wizard of Oz posts but better. Yay!

There will also be a new logo and all types of fun things. Stay tuned! And please hang in there with me.

#AugustWritingChallenge - Space - Day 30

When I was in college I called residence life -- living on campus -- the Space Struggle. When you're a freshman, there is no way to avoid having a roommate. So, all year you fight over space in the room, on the shelves, in the closets, and in the bathroom. Then you upgrade to having you're own room and you work to get the biggest room in the suite. Even when I lived off-campus it was the parking space battle. I had to have best location; it was bad enough the students had to park so far away from the building.

I was highly disappointed when I wasn't able to move on my own after college ending. Suddenly, I was losing the space battle. I moved into a small house that I share with four other people. So the struggle continued. Who gets to park in the driveway as opposed to on the street? Who gets the best cabinets and refrigerator shelves? It's a mess. In July, I thought my room was tiny. I was equating my lack of space with a lack of success.

Now, I'm realizing that maybe I was wrong. First of all, now the everything is unpacked my room is huge to me. I don't mind my roommates at all. I actually like most of them. I like that there are other people in the house. I don't think I would want to live all by myself.

I think when it comes to space we make a big deal about having a lot of it and then realize we have quite a bit more than we need... or even want.

#AugustWritingChallenge - Memory - Day 29

My friends and family are always amazed by my impeccable memory. I can recall even the smallest details, such as what people were wearing and whose car we drove. I’m not sure how I do it; I’ve just always been able to do that. The problem with me and memories is that sometimes I get stuck in them. I am too often satisfied with reliving the same memories over in my head instead of going out and making new ones.

Memories serve a beautiful purpose. Things like pictures, yearbooks, scrapbooks, etc. help us remember the good old days. I’m all for all of those things. But what I must struggle against is losing out on new opportunities because I’m still hanging on to days gone by. 

I'm not sure where to begin correcting this but at least I'm aware enough to know I need to find one and quickly. I'd hate to look back and my youth and think, "Why didn't I do..."

#AugustWritingChallenge - Judge - Day 28

I do my absolute best to not judge anyone. Some of you may have missed the "My Subway Sandwich Theory" post from 2010. In it, I explain my theory that everyone is entitled to their own "subway sandwich" which is customizable to their needs and desires. I worry about my sub and leave everyone else's alone.

I avoid judging others mostly because I don’t anyone judging me. I know I have more than a few skeletons in my closet and I’d like them to stay there, at least until I decide to expose them.

I have a very – uh let’s call them eclectic – groups of friends. They often do things that I wish they didn’t. I used to scream and yell and throw tantrums. Shake my fingers and scold them. Tell them all the horrible repercussions that I assumed would befall them. It was actually quite tedious even for me. These days, I have a more “if you like it I love it” approach. I occasionally backslide but I think I’ve made vast improvements recently.

#AugustWritingChallenge - Challenge - Day 27

Whew, I am some type of tired. Today, I babysat my friend's puppy. At the end of the day, one thing is clear, I AM NOT ready to be responsible for anything. I was so ready to take that dog home at the end of the day. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed having him but I wasn't crying when I handed him back to his mother.

We had lots of fun but it was the constantly making sure he wasn't getting into anything or getting hurt or eating something he shouldn't eat. My head was spinning. I kept sending these panicked texts like, "idk what's wrong..." and "should he be ____ing."

Yep, no rushing to motherhood or anything of the sort over here, like I said, NOT. Ready.

#AugustWritingChallenge - Vision - Day 26

I always need a vision in order to keep my life on track, with vision comes a drive, a focus, and a will that I just can't get from any other source. I have to have a clear picture of what I want so I know exactly what I want to accomplish. Without that focus I tend to just wander through life.

In the time immediately following my graduation from undergrad, I had lost my vision. I didn't know what to do with myself. I couldn’t make any plans or set any goals because I couldn’t see the end game.

Slowly but surely I feel that vision coming back and I'm grateful. This challenge and blogging everyday have reminded me of what I love and what I hope to make into a career. I am eager to begin making it happen. Now, watch me work. Lol.

#AugustWritingChallenge - Create - Day 25

I grew up thinking that I was not a creative person. In my mind, being creative meant being able to draw and oh boy... I cannot draw. The sad thing is my dad is an architect. He draws things for a living! I'm not bitter though.

Side note: I didn't realize how many revelations I had in college until I started this challenge.

Anyway, during my journalism classes we studied all these different structures for writing articles. There were all these sentences structures and literary tools we had at our disposal to add depth to the  stories we were trying to tell. Then I realized that I was creative and that creativity was much more broad than how I originally defined it.

Everyone can be creative. It's just a matter of figuring out what tools work best. For some it will be pencils, others paint, others a camera. The point is to never stop until you find it and once you do, to never stop. Just a heads up: the latter is the harder of the two.

#AugustWritingChallenge - Courage - Day 24

I'm currently reading the original Wizard of Oz series. Today's theme reminds me of the cowardly Lion who desperately wanted courage from the Wizard. What we notice is that the Lion always had courage.

The Lion’s problem was that he thought because he felt fear that he had no courage. That’s not true. Courage is action in the presence of fear. The Cowardly Lion teaches us two lessons: (1) we cannot let fear stop us from doing what we have to do and (2) you don’t have to feel courageous in order to be courageous.

I would hope that in my life I will able to put aside my fear and continue down the path that I am destined to travel.

[LATE] #AugustWritingChallenge - Crime - Day 22

My stepdad is a cop. We are painfully aware of crime in my household. There were so many times growing up when I was not allowed to go to a party or a sleepover because my mother checked neighborhood crime stats like it was the weather report.

I watch a lot of crime dramas; that's my thing: NCIS, CSI, Rizzoli and Isles, Bones, etc. What I notice is that the people who work in law enforcement are some of the most courageous in the world. I know that TV is not the same as reality but I'm sure the two are parallel enough to make the point. There are some many who loose life and limb in an attempt to protect people they don't even know. It's courageous and commendable.

Maybe crime isn't completely under control and the justice system is flawed but there are some good people out there working to protect us all. My dad is one of them. Let's just not forget to be a little grateful.

[LATE] #AugustWritingChallenge - Pain - Day 21

I can assure you time does not heal all wounds. In fact, time doesn't even heal some wounds. What time does do, however, is make you forget temporarily but as soon as something reminds you that pain just comes bubbling back up to the surface.

When it comes to pain, both physical and emotional, I think humanity is working in the wrong direction. Doctors are always trying to figure out how to relieve you of pain you are already in as opposed to keeping you from pain in the first place. There are so many books about how to get over being hurt and how to forgive. I see very few on how to apologize or how to avoid hurting and offending others. I wonder how much better the world would be if we all just tried to hurt each other less?

#AugustWritingChallenge - Envy - Day 23

If there is one sin I commit on a regular basis it is envy.

During the last few years of my life I have been surrounded by people with plenty. Often I feel like I'm the only one who even has to think about money and budgets. The envy reached an all time high when I recently had to move and downgrade my lifestyle at a time when majority of my peers were moving on up.

Last week, this meme was going around Twitter and Instagram, and it said, "Until God opens a door for you, praise him in the hallway." I thought, now that is genius. I believe that blessings are contagious. If I continue to hang around people that are doing better and better, it's bound to rub off on me eventually. Until then, I'm going to just keep praising Him in the hallway.

#AugustWritingChallenge - Message - Day 20

It is absolutely hilarious how God will choose to send you a message. Ten years ago today, God sent me one in the form of a little baby girl, Denai Alexandra aka my baby sister.

Back then I was quite the child, selfish little thing. I knew everything. I hated everyone in authority. I spent my days playing the world's smallest violin and complaining about how no one loved me-- meaning did what I wanted them to do --and I didn't have any friends. Of course, none of this was my fault; it had nothing to do with my own behavior. I look back on those days and just thank the Lord that my parents didn't just smack me every day. Boy, did I have an attitude problem.

Anyway, after Denai came things were very different. I know had a reason to behave myself, little eyes were constantly watching. There was a person for me to think about other than myself. Suddenly the world did not revolve around me any more. Now all that matters to me is being the best big sister I can. It even breaks my heart that I'm not with her on her tenth birthday. I still have a long way to go; I still lean on the selfish side but at least now I have a reminder to keep me on the straight and narrow.

She's much bigger than this now but I like to keep her small in my mind.

#AugustWritingChallenge - Craving - Day 19

Cravings get me into trouble every time. Will power is not my strong suit. I fall victim to my cravings every time. Normally, I crave sugary treats. This is how the cycle usually goes: craving begins, I fight it, craving persists-- possibly increasing, I fall and indulge, I feel bad. It's pretty sad.

Since my post about my obsession with sweets, I have tried to cut back on my sugar consumption. I know I can’t go cold turkey but I have made an effort. More water, planning meals, packing lunch, things like that. Most days I do well but almost every day I have to stop myself from eating something. Or trick myself into things like leaving my Starbucks card at home on purpose.

It’s a process, one day at a time, some better than others. As long as I don’t give up I’m good.

#AugustWritingChallenge - Getaway - Day 17

In my mind, a getaway is not complete without my wonderful family. Our last great vacation was in Wisconsin Dells for New Year of 2011. My parents own a timeshare so we stayed at this beautiful ski resort managed by Blue Green Resorts.

All the little people went tubing- which is when you slide down a hill on an innertube. I wasn't feeling that though. The cool part was that there are all these indoor water parks. So everyone was walking around in bathing suits and flips flops even though its 10 degrees outside. That part was fun. The kids and I had a ball on the slides and in various pools. We floated along on the lazy river. It was nice to just play.

The best part about vacation though is always the food. Mommy and Auntie threw down in the kitchen all weekend. It was heavenly.I can't wait until the next family vacay.

All my little people while tubing.

#AugustWritingChallenge - Infatuation - Day 18

Infatuation is such a tricky emotion. It is confusing and it can lead you all the way astray. Dangerous it is. The problem, at least for me, is that infatuation will not just go away with time. Yes, some days are better than others and you can suppress but deep down its still there and any trigger can set it off.

Infatuation just leads to depression and all other types of messy emotions. The worst of it is that, without the closure, it’s even harder to recover. I’m always left wondering what if…

It sucks and I haven’t figured out a way to end it yet. So, I just enjoy the good days and do my best to keep my head above water on the bad ones.  

Music helps. This video of Adele singing, “I Can’t Make You Love Me” is one of my favorites.

#AugustWritingChallenge - Sunrise - Day 16

Sometimes I suffer from the most horrible insomnia. Some nights I never sleep. This has allowed me to witness some of the most beautiful sunrises ever.

I love watching to sun rise in the morning. A new day is beginning and with it are new mercies and new opportunities, new chances to make today better than the day before. It reminds me that I am such a small part of a vast universe. It is fascinating that light from a star that is trillions of miles away can travel all the way to Earth and shine in my window every morning.

Because of all the technology available to me, sometimes I forget how wonderful that actual world is and has always been. Every once in a while I like to stop for a minute and just observe. It helps me quite my mind.

#AugustWritingChallenge - Rivers - Day 15

When I think of some of the world's famous rivers: the Nile, the Amazon, the Ganges, I realize that I have seen none of them. I'd like to consider myself a cultured person but one thing I have not been able to do successfully is travel. The closest I've been to an international traveler in the U.S. Virgin Islands. I know... it's pitiful.

It's not that I haven't tried. My father has been to both the Bahamas and Africa. I begged him to take me but did he... nope! I have plenty of friends who have been all over the globe. I tried to study abroad while at Howard but that fell through in the most traumatic way. But that's another story for another day.

New goal: (This is like the eighth one I've set since the challenge started August 1) By the end of 2013 I will have an international trip fully planned. I am going on an international trip; that's it, even if I have to go alone.)

#AugustWritingChallenge - Obsession - Day 14

Everyone has a vice, every. single. person. I have several. Glee, Harry Potter, stationary, etc. but there is only one that I think is hazardous to my health, only one that I think I should quit... sugar. I have a sweet tooth that would blow your mind. I mean it is bad cookies, cakes, pies, sweet rolls, tarts, and the topper of all... ICE CREAM. Oh. my. Lord. I can go ham on some ice cream. Flavors are irrelevant; I don't discriminate.

I came across an [article] today on Marie Claire's web site. It's all about the effects of sugar on your body. Now that information wasn't necessarily new but what it also says is that some doctors are advocating that sugar be regulated in the same way as tobacco and alcohol.

Now, I do think that government regulation might be a bit extreme but I completely understand the parallel. In my mind, anything can become a drug, not just those classic substances that we all know. Now sugar may not have you twitching or stealing from your family but let me not have my apple fritter in the morning with my white chocolate mocha and see how unpleasant I become. Better yet, I've noticed that I could be having the worst day on the planet but, oh baby, a hostess iced honey bun will set me right on track again. Just like any other addiction, the more sugar you eat the more you crave. I'm praying my metabolism is not permanently damaged.

Even if you don't go for the addiction theory, research proves that a diet that is sugar-saturated can make you more vulnerable to diabetes -- which EVERY woman over 50 in my family suffers -- and heart disease. Another [article] from Forbes lays this out by referencing a study done at UCLA.

The point is I know myself and I know if I don't start making some serious changes to my diet, I'm going to be in some serious trouble. So, here's my first step:

Hi, my name is Dilane and I'm a sugar addict. 

I'm going to work on it though. I have faith that slowly but surely I'll make progress.

#AugustWritingChallenge - Clarity - Day 13

Clarity is something that has managed to elude me for some time now. Every year since I was 5 I have prepared to go back to school. There were always classes, teachers, papers, exams, etc. Now that I'm done with school I don't know what to do with myself.

Recently, my prayers have been filled with requests for clarity. Should I go to grad school or law school? Is it even worth it in this economy? Every time I think about it I get overwhelmed.

My career path is just as fuzzy. I really love social media. One of my jobs allows me to tap into that but not really on the level I would like. However, I do have some plans to attend the ACES Conference next year and a social media and technology seminar in September. I’m hoping that these events will earn me some skills and networking opportunities. Possibly some clarity too...

#AugustWritingChallenge - August - Day 12

For the last fifteen years August has meant one thing... back to school. Several trips to clothing stores, shoe stores, hair salons, filled my days. My mother would spend hours in Target and Walmart buying me notebooks, folders, pens, and planners.

For the first time that I can remember I am not going back to school in a few weeks. I'm not sure what to do with myself. I thought I would enjoy the nights without papers and homework but actually I'm just bored. I'm not even sure who I am outside of my academic life. It's just a shocker to my system and I'm not happy about it.

It just makes it worse that I haven't quite figured out what I want to do with my life yet. So there isn't much for me to look forward. Yesterday, the class of 2016 moved into freshman dorms... 2016... really. I feel old as dirt itself. My plan over the next few months is to develop a plan and attempt to restructure my new life. Although, as of now, that feat seems impossible.

It seems like just yesterday I was a freshman at Howard. Now, I'm an alumna.  #Icant

My brother, sister, and I in Bethune Annex freshman year,
an hour before the pinning ceremony.